The Ultimate Cheat Sheet to a Good Relationship

The above picture is Jason and I at a local park.

A lot of people always compliment Jason and I on our relationship.  We've only been together for 4 years this past November, but we are a match made in heaven according to other people.  I'm not denying that one bit, but it did take A LOT of work to get where we are today.  Anything worth having in life isn't going to be easy and the same goes for a good relationship -- it takes A LOT of time and A LOT of patience, but is totally achievable.  I'm also a person who believes that nothing is impossible if you want it bad enough.

While people think Jason and I have this so-called perfect relationship, we do have our downfalls.  We have stupid fights and have real problems in our personal lives and relationship.  I will tell you that we don't just behave ourselves when we are in public.  If we don't like something, we aren't afraid to call each other out in public.  What you see is what you get.  While I always dream about that "fairy tail" relationship, Jason constantly brings me back to reality.  Haha.

Disclaimer: This isn't a "written in stone" cheat sheet guide to a good relationship, but this is a cheat cheat sheet based on what works for us.  Any advice that you take from this post or any in the future, I'm not responsible for any misinterpretations in which you experience reverse results from (which I believe my words are pretty clear) or failed relationships.  Use this advice and any advice I give in the future at your own risk.  All observations and opinions listed here are my own.

Continue to go out on dates even when you live together - Not all couples who live together are married.  I'm a firm believer that you don't need a piece of paper to confirm how much you love someone, but either way, dating shouldn't stop just because you live together.  Going out on dates gives you an outlet away from the house, so that you can destress and enjoy yourself.  If you have a lot going through your mind with the typical responsibilities of life, it will be good to go out and get away.  Though you still have to take care of your priorities, it's not good to attempt to do so being overly stressed.  You could potentially make hasty decisions and engage in unnecessary arguments, especially when you share those priorities with your significant other.  Besides, it makes you feel good to get dressed up and slightly feel those butterflies again like when you first started dating -- it keeps things fresh and alive.

Another reason to continue to go out on dates is so that you can spend "quality" time with your significant other.  Having brief, basic conversations with your other half just won't cut it.  I think this is especially important if you each work different shifts from each other.  Usually when a couple works different shifts from each other, they might only be lucky enough to read a note from the other person left on the fridge or can just barely exchange a few words as their walking out the door.  You need more than that in order to keep the relationship going.  If it's all work and no play, what's the point of being in a relationship?  If you want to make the relationship work, you will find time to reserve for your other half.

Take turns doing what you want - Don't be selfish.  Doing just what you want to do all the time will make you come off as you only care about your wants and needs.  You won't always care for what you significant other wants to do, but it works both ways.  Your significant other won't always care to do what you want either, but that's all apart of being together.  Besides, you might actually find out that you like what the other person is into . . . in the very least, it wouldn't hurt to at least learn something new.  If it's just all about you or just all about your other half, exactly how is that a relationship?

Share responsibility - Don't just sit around and make your other half do everything.  If you cook dinner, he does dishes and vice versa.  We don't believe in gender roles in our house.  Granted, Jason isn't much of a cook, so I do most of the cooking, but he does the dishes.  We pay our bills together.  It's not just his check or just my check; we utilize both of our checks to pay the bills.  When you're in a relationship, you work together to make a life with each other.  It takes two to have a relationship, so it should take two to do everything that is involved in having that relationship.

Never put the other down - I really feel like this is where most people have their problem.  We as humans tend to be very judgmental of others, especially when a person directly impacts our life.  If your other half doesn't understand something, don't call them stupid.  Instead, educate them when they don't understand.  If you make more money than them, don't try to come off as you're better than them.  Intead, encourage and motivate them to want to do better with their life.

Switch things up and try something different -  Practicing the same ol' routine is the perfect way to achieve the ultimate boring relationship.  People always want to know how to keep it fresh and exciting. . .well, don't be afraid to try new things.  Through trying new things, you get yourself out of your comfort zone and learn new things about each other.  You never fully know someone, ever.  If you never explore new avenues as it pertains to your relationship, you may miss out on learning something new about your significant other.  Who knows, maybe you will discover one more thing that attracts you to them than just the handful of things that attracted you to them before.

Keep your communication open - This is a BIG one!  Only when you know how to effectively talk to each other, will you be able to truly respect each other.  Don't walk away when you don't like something you hear and certainly don't assume things.  When something isn't right in the relationship, talk about it rationally and don't put yourself in the position to feel like a victim.  Along with trying to keep open communication, try to keep an open-mind as well.  Not everyone is an expert communicator.

Do and say things that make the other feel good - I'm a rather heavy-set women.  However, as pissed off as Jason could ever get, he would never, ever call me fat.  He respects me as do I with him.  We really try to not let our anger get the best of us when it comes to our relationship.  If he knows I spent a good amount of time in the bathroom putting on my make-up and doing my hair, he will compliment me on it.  It makes me feel good to know that my time wasn't wasted and unappreciated.  However, he does prefer my 'natural' beauty.  I always remind him that he is the cutest guy alive and that I would never trade him for anything in the world.  We also attend to each other when we don't feel good which is nice to know that both parties in the relationship genuinely care about each other and don't consider one another to be of inconvenience.  Jason and I like to believe that we are the perfect fit for each other because we find where he has deficiencies, I make up for it and vice versa.

Learn to let things go - Jason and I have petty fights all the time.  We always have and we probably always will.  It's a really great excuse to have make-up sex anyway.  Jason and I have a rule of thumb for our arguments.  If it's not going to matter a week, a month, or a few years down the road, just let it go.  However, if it's going to make a difference a week, a month, or a few years down the road, stand your ground.  Life is too short to sweat the small stuff.  You want to enjoy your time together, not dread it.  If you fight every hour on the hour, you will short out the relationship.

Don't try to change the other - No one is perfect and there certainly is no such thing as the perfect relationship, so quit thinking there is.  There will always be something that you can't stand about the other person.  Like for example, I can't stand Jason's snoring.  It's horrible.  Oh, it's SO loud!  It literally gives me a migraine, but he's stuck with me and I'm stuck with him.  I'm trying to convince him to see a nose, throat, and ear doctor because it's possible that he might need his tonsils out as a cause to his snoring.  I'm not trying to necessarily change him, I'm just trying to better him health wise.  I mean, his snoring does wake him up a lot which affects his sleep.  In the event that you're trying to better the other person's life such as showing them responsibility toward paying off their debts, helping them seek mental help (if they need it), getting them to the doctor when something is wrong with them, or opening their eyes to potential educational or employment opportunities is certainly acceptable to do.  However, don't try to make them change in a materialistic manner in order to fit your standards such as how to cut their hair, what to wear, how to act, how to talk, what to like, etc.  If they aren't your cup of tea, just simply part ways and find someone else who is a better fit for you.

Be loyal - If you even doubt in the slightest on whether or not you want to be with them, feel like you have to lie, or can't trust them then you probably don't belong with them in the first place . . . staying with someone just because it's a convenience factor is not healthy.  Honestly, Jason is the first guy that I feel like I don't want to be with anyone else.  Jason is the packaged deal for me.  He is cute, smart, caring, loyal, honest and he loves me for who I am despite all my flaws.  We trust each other and remain respectful to each others privacy.

Having complete trust in each other took a while for us because we both came from poor examples of a relationship.  It's normal to have a difficult time trusting someone else when another that you cared about hurt you beyond repair.  However, you have to keep in mind that the person you are with isn't the person that has hurt you and if you can't give them a chance, especially when they don't do anything to make you believe otherwise that they can't be trusted, then you need to take time to psychologically heal.  Don't take it out on the other.  If you feel like you need to be sneaky and check their text messages and have access to all their social media accounts, you are loco and I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised if they call the loony bin on you.

Fix something when it's broken, don't throw it away -  Jason and I are old fashion when it comes to this.  Too many people nowadays throw in the towel over very minuscule things that can definitely be fixed.  No one is expecting your relationship to be problem free and neither should you.  Let go of the things you can't change and work on what you can change.  Sometimes the problems are too serious to fix and not everything can be repaired, but at least make every attempt before you consider throwing in the towel.

Don't compare your relationship to that of others - Okay, so maybe so and so have a baby and you don't.  Maybe so and so have a house and you only have an apartment.  However, you don't know their particular arrangements.  They could have a baby, but be living at home with their parents.  They could have a house, but you don't know all their financial problems or problems with the house.  You don't know if mommy and daddy handed them everything on a silver feeding spoon, so don't worry about what everyone else has.  Worry about what you want and how you're going to get it for yourself, by yourself.  Have a little self respect to make an honest effort.  You will appreciate it more if you did the work to get whatever it is that you want out of life.  It make take the two of you longer than others to get to where you would like to be, but that may be for the better of things.  Instead of raising a baby in uncertainty or living in a busted house, take the time to do it right.

Take a deep breath, learn to speak to one another, and don't ever go to bed mad at each other.  Things will be okay if you have faith.  A relationship is only as strong as the wall you build together to protect it.