Sorry for my absence yesterday and late posting today. I've come down with a nasty head cold due to this nasty, cold weather. I've found enough energy to write up this post today.
Today is probably one of the hardest post I'll ever write even though I try to pretend that this particular topic doesn't bother me. However, the first step to any recovery is admitting that you have a problem, so here it goes. I'm 23 years old and I weigh 275 pounds as of today. I didn't really pay much mind to my weight until I seen myself in this years Christmas pictures. I'm huge! I've kind of been overweight my entire life, but this is the biggest that I've ever been, especially being out on workers comp for the past 4 months. Just in a 4 months time, I've gained about 20 pounds. So, I'll be the first one to tell all of you that it doesn't take long to gain weight. Just knowing that I'm nearly 25 pounds away from being 300 pounds scares the ever living life out of me. Literally. The fact that I allowed myself to do this to myself just goes to show that I highly lack self control and that it's quite obvious that I don't care much about myself.
Despite how happy I may sound on my blog, I do suffer from severe anxiety and depression. I get stressed out over the simplest of things. I have issues with being around people or just being social in general. I'm a homebody and especially since I've been out of work, I just want to sleep all the time because I have zero energy to do anything. It's quite sad actually.
I don't currently have any medical conditions other than acid reflux and being considered obese which is pretty good considering my weight. I do get pain in my back and legs from being overweight. Sometimes I even get chest pain when I sneeze. I can't even call myself "overweight" anymore. I have to accept that fact that I'm now "obese". That's a hard pill to swallow and honestly, I don't have a problem swallowing too many things obviously. However, I have no one to blame but myself.
I was asked the first time I seen the gynecologist if I planned on having children in the future. I'm still a little up in the air about it, but yeah, I'm pretty sure I want to at least have one child. The doctor insisted on highly advising that I work on losing a good amount of weight before attempting to become pregnant due to health risks.
Long story short, the way I see it, it's now or never. I've tried (and not for any particular length of time) several times to eat and exercise healthily. I've never had the right mindset. I just wanted to drop the weight and go back to my old habits. I'm overweight, not stupid. I know it doesn't work like that. That's why I always gave up because I figured, if I just wanted to keep on with my old habits, there was no sense in even going through with it.
The truth of the matter is, it has to be a lifestyle change. Not a "diet". Whether you are 275 pounds or 135 pounds, eating and exercising healthily and regularly should be apart of your life. Just because you are a healthy weight, doesn't necessarily mean that you are healthy. People who are 135 pounds that can brag about how many times a day they can eat McDonald's and keep the weight off are still prone to clogged arteries and can still have a heart attack.
I have started yesterday logging my food and making some small changes as to what I eat. Today I started my first day of exercise. Of course I have to do beginner workouts due to my size and the fact that I haven't ever really properly exercised before. But, a little movement is better than none. I'm going to start out 3 days a week for 30 minutes each day and increase the amount of days and minutes as I feel comfortable enough to do so. With that being said,
I, Tinisha Johnson, make the pledge to this new lifestyle change and will strive to be better each day, making healthier choices. Will I have setbacks? Of course. Will I struggle? Absolutely. Am I expecting myself to change completely over night? Nope. Not at all! I did take photos of myself at my current weight, but don't really feel comfortable posting them right now. The excuses stop here and now! It's now or never. Every so often I will write up a post on my progress to keep ya'll updated.
My current weight as of 1/09/2014: 275 pounds.
My ultimate goal weight: 135-145 pounds.
Height: 5 feet, 3 inches.
Here I go. I'm clicking "publish". *Squints out of hesitation*
First of all, congrats on your decision to change your lifestyle. I know you can do it! Sticking with it is definitely the hardest part but with a little effort, it's definitely doable. I've slowly been getting back to an actual workout schedule and better eating habits after the holidays and it's never easy... but it's worth it.
ReplyDeleteI lost almost 50 pounds a few years ago and even though I've fluctuated a little bit since then, I've learned a lot and it was the best thing I could do to help my confidence.
Good luck! If you need any advice or support, I'm definitely here for you!
*Amanda
Thank you, Amanda! It really means a lot to me. I just have a hard time with all the different ways that people say it's best to lose weight. I'm actually researching Dr. Oz and seeing what he recommends for proper eating and exercise. I'm a little nervous I must say. Also, I have a lot of the old habit foods still in the house and have to get rid of them first. I'm not going to throw them out, so I suppose I should finish eating all the bad stuff in the house and start fresh after that.
DeleteStarting now might be the best way. It's pretty important to not deprive yourself forever because the point of changing your lifestyle is to find a way to stick with what you're doing for the rest of your life. Eating perfectly all the time and working out every day isn't sustainable. I'd say hide the "bad" things and eat them occasionally and in moderation. There's really no "best way" to eat. different people do better at different things and you really just need to try things out. Having a cleaner diet and eating smaller meals more frequently tends to work best for me. A lot of people seem to like paleo or tracking their calories and exercise with apps like My Fitness Pal. Again, try some different things out and make sure you find something that you'll be able to stick with.
DeleteI'm so proud of you for putting yourself out there and setting goals to live a healthier lifestyle. That's amazing!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for that! It's people like you with such nice, motivational comments that keep me going! Thank you for stopping by! It's always nice to hear from you, Whitney!
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