Rant, Rant, Rant!

If you came here today thinking that I was going to have a happy-go-lucky post today, I apologize sincerely.  Today is a rant post just because and well, I'm kind of in need of one.  Lately, I'm not quite sure what I want to do -- scream, cry, or laugh.  I feel kind of bipolar lately.  My mind is playing tug of war. 

Firstly, I'm on a new medication for mood stabilization and are suppose to expect to be all over the place mood wise for a few weeks until it can get into my system.  Beautiful.  The doctor told me to take one pill at bedtime for two weeks, then I have to switch to two -- 1000mg eventually, 500mg right now.  It's suppose to slow down your mind from racing and help you to think more clearly, more logical.

I went to the hand doctor on Thursday and officially got released back to work to find out that I had to reapply and am currently jobless unless they call me back.  I really need them to call me back for a couple of reasons.

For one, I'm jobless which equals zero income.

Two, Jason and I only have one "working" vehicle which means, I can't work anywhere else because Jason works third, he wouldn't have the car back to me in time to start a 1st shift job and I wouldn't have the car back to him on time if I worked a 2nd shift job, so he could go to work.  I told Jason, if Electrolux takes me back, my first priority is to save for another car ASAP.  I have to literally pray that they take me back.  I feel like I haven't needed to pray for something so hard in all my life.

I'm in my last semester and I'm taking this one class that is literally going to be the death of me -- financial analysis.  I hate it.  Like why all of a sudden do I have a difficult class in my last semester?  I never had a class this hard through my whole associates degree...why now?!

I have a lot of negative thoughts running through my head lately.  I'm trying to stay positive, but it truly is difficult considering everything going on.  I know it could be worse.  It could be a lot worse.  The one thing that I'm grateful for is that Jason makes enough for us to keep this place.  I hate that I have to put all the pressure on him right now.  It's not a good feeling to feel helpless.  My self-esteem is just totally shot and I have no idea how to get it back.  I feel like my college education will be a waste, I have zero motivation to lose weight, I can't ever find anything to write about on this stupid blog because I don't have a life right now...I still love my blog though, and I'm 23...going on 24 this month and still searching for who I am and my purpose.  I'm so utterly frustrated.  I'm also frustrated that you guys always have to read all my negativity.  No one likes someone who constantly complains about everything.  It's draining.  I wish I didn't have to be like this, but it's how I feel.

Well, babe is up.  Going to see if he wants to take the daily Dunkin' run.  It gets me out of the house.  Is it sad that I look forward to a 5 minute drive to Dunkin Dounuts?