I'm Taking The Weekend For Myself

I've officially finished all my homework for the week last night.  So, that means that I have a three day weekend to myself starting today.  Depending on how rigorous the course work is for the week, determines whether or not I will have the weekend off.  I usually always try to have the weekend off.  No, I don't "rush" to get my homework done to the point where it affects my grades.  I'm actually able to get all my homework done by Friday and still maintain an A average.  Currently, I have a 100 average in presentations and a 97.4 in Macroeconomics.  Presentations is obviously an easy course.  There is no denying that.  However, I'm really surprised at how well I'm doing in Macroeconomics.  All I ever hear (and usually by people who are smarter than me) is how difficult Macroeconomics is and how many times they had to repeat the class because of it being so difficult.

Last night I wrote my entire research paper for Macroeconomics which involved analyzing GDP (Gross domestic product) for 190 countries for 1970 compared to 2008.  I thought my eye balls were going to melt out of my eye sockets.  No lie.  Out of 190 countries, I had to find the top 10 highest GDP's for both years.  It really hurt looking at all those numbers simultaneously, one after the other.

But, it's done and over with.  No more school work until Monday.  I've decided that I'm going to take this weekend for myself (not that every weekend is for myself), and take some time to relax and ask myself what I really want today, tomorrow, two weeks from now, 6 months from now and years from now.  I want to start doing things slowly that are going to get me out of these bad habits and downward spirals of deep anxiety and depression.  I need to set everything aside and really work on myself.  Maybe some people consider that to be selfish.  I honestly don't care.  I need to do this for myself, despite what anyone else thinks.

And the above GIF says it all.  That's all that I have figured out so far in my 23 years of life, that there is fear and love.  For the longest time, all I knew was fear until Jason came into my life.  When he came into my life, that's when I truly discovered love for the first time.  It was scary and I went through the motions trying to find it, but I did.  For me (because of everything I've been through in life), it's difficult for me to see love with any other person than Jason.  I know there is more to life that fear and love.  I'm afraid to put all my effort and time into most things out of the fear of failing or not getting the results that I was anticipating.

I've come a long way though from where I was with that fear.  I allowed my heart to open up to love with Jason.  I took a chance and went to school which I'm doing considerably well in.  Just recently, I've opened myself up to the whole "family" thing a little bit better.  So, I've made some improvements.  Now, I'm ready to take more steps.

Until next time,